How to overcome grief?

Overcoming grief is never easy and will never be easy. Yet, everything happens for a reason. Reason we may never understand at first but we have to get over with for us to continue life the way they wanted us. Personally, though I have gone through several griefs in life, it's totally different when you lose the one who is directly related to you especially your family. I already spoke out about the loss of my brother in the previous blog. Now, I want to share to you how I have overcome the grief I felt during that time. I would like to share three key points how to ease those messed-up emotions and accept things in the right way.

1. Cry a lot.

Whenever you feel crying, just burst it out. When you look at his picture and feel teary, just cry. There is no harm about crying. You have to let it out. Whenever you look back at the memories and wanted to cry, go on. Nobody cares. It's one way of easing the burden. Whatever is in your heart, you have to let it out. When you finally overcome the crying stage, you'll find yourself smiling in the end. Not the smile of "okay I don't care anymore" but a smile of "thank you for being a part of my life." Crying it all out makes a comforting zone even when there is no one to comfort you literally because you don't want others to feel the same way you do especially your family member. When you already experienced heartbreak, it's just like that. Not totally the same though. So, cry and cry a lot. Let all the emotions out.

2. Tell him or update him about things.

Personally, when I didn't find myself crying, I started to talk to him in the most convenient way I know, writing. I have this one application on the phone where I write the happenings and events he is missing at the moment. Like everyday. What happens over the day, I write it down as if I'm talking to him authentically. Whatever the way you could think of of telling him the things you wanted to tell him, do it. Whether writing, speaking, talking him through phone or imitating scenarios of talking to him, just do it. It eases the feelings of missing him. His absence would be lighten in a way.

3. Look back at the memories.

For the last time, you have to look back. The happy memories that is. Of course you have to pick memories that would enlighten you and your emotions. Those ones he is smiling, laughing, and throwing jokes. Look at his photos and scan over the memories from those images. You'll finally get over it. Not as easy as you think it is but you'll overcome what you feel. And when time passes, you'll just find yourself more firm and strong. Because that's what he wanted you to be. As for me, when I find myself looking back at the memories inside a bubble thought that appears in my imagination above my head, I just smile and just wished he's still here to share another moments to ponder in the future. The last thing I did when I finally found myself gotten over the grief, I wrote a poem. (read it below)

Hated “EACH DAYS” (Our ARNIEL MHAR)

Each day is a “hide-and-seek game.” Each day is a “where are you now?” Each day is a “hope you are here!” Each day is a memory now.

Each day is a “hope you’ll see them grow!” Each day is a “hope you’ll watch them play!” Each day is a “hope you’ll bring them to school!” Each day is a “hopeless hope.”

Each day is a “sightless moments of you.” Each day is a “beginning of your end.” Each day is a “missing gestures of you.” Each day is a “love would never show.”

Each day without “LAW!” Each day without “POGS!” Each day without “PRE!” Each day without “GANG!”

Each day without “NEL!” Each day without “YANG!” Each day without “YAT!” And each day without “PA!”

_____

Whether how difficult it would be, you have to accept that he will no longer be with you as you travel along your journey. No matter how you wish he could be with you and with his own family, no reason to hold back. Life must go on. Today, his eldest child is already in the 1st grade and his second eldest will be starting his pre-school next week. His youngest is 2 years old now. His wife of course finished her vocational and started working in a resort near our residence. To you brother, we all miss you. We love you.

#5