The Saddest Part - July 9, 2015

Kuys

Learned a lot but shared a few. Made a whole, still incomplete. Laugh with many, cries alone. No one knows, just himself.

23 years living in happiness alone. 4 years battling life with own family. Given a loving wife and 3 fruits of life. Yet, in just a click, life’s taken.

In no reasons to find, No explanations to decipher, No evidences to organize, Acceptance is the only key.

That day with his eldest, That day with his cousins, That day with me, Was the day he left without goodbye.

That morning he vanished And i wasn’t able to bid goodbye for work. That midday i thought i wouldn’t see ‘em But still able unexpectedly.

That afternoon he asked of something, That afternoon he spoke like a different being, That afternoon he insisted what he is, That afternoon was the happiest.

That night in his horseless carriage, That night in the dark roads, That night in the midst of nowhere, Was the night of unexpected tragedy.

That night i saw him lying, That night i saw him with blood, That night i wanted to forget, Was the night i wished didn’t happen.

Everything happens with a purpose. That is what they say. I believed that yesterday. I don’t know if i will still today.

Now, no morning is happy, No midday with smiles, No afternoon with laughs and No kuys who’ll call me ”TO”.

Kuys, we’ll promise to be, We’ll promise to do, The very best you wanted us, The very best we could.

Your sons and daughter are in safe hands Even without your presence, Even without your physical embraces and Even without your emotional tenders.

Ganggang will always treasure you. Your physical absence is her strength now. Moms and pops will forever love you. Your siblings will forever fight for you.

Sorrow is pain and so as mourning. Yet, to die is gain. And your death is more than gaining.

#TatakDobledos

The saddest part of my life was losing one of the people who completes the puzzle in me. Losing is never easy. It is never a definition of acceptance in the first few months, yet, it's the only way to move forward. You can never foresee what will happen on the next seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months and even years when you're currently at the present enjoying the days with your families and friends.

This poem is made during the memorial of my brother Arniel Mhar V. Laureta. My parent's child before me. He passed away on the 9th of July, 2015 in a motorcycle accident. My older brother next to our eldest asked me to write a poem for the burial. In which, I come up to these lines with tears in my eyes and every line took a minute before continued. It was really hard. I read the poem on stage during the interment. If writing those lines is hard, uttering them in a crowd is much more harder. Honestly speaking, watching his body in a coffin was never in my vocabulary during the entire burial. The moment he arrived until the last glance. I chose to take a peek when I had to put a hundred peso bill on his coffin because that was his last request in our very last conversation. He asked for a hundred peso bill to buy something. In that conversation, I never knew it was all the lasts I've been seeing and feeling him. His last laugh, last smile, last voice, last jokes, last deep talk and last hug. And the worst last was seeing him lying along the road with blood and all things in my eyes after that were blurred. It's as if I would black out but didn't. Inside the poem were all his lasts. I started from that morning when I didn't able to did goodbye, to that noon we saw each other to go to a specific place where we'll be spending the whole afternoon, and to that night when we rode on a motorcycle parting our company. That was my worst nightmare indeed.

My brother's loss is our gain. He left three angels in his wife's hands which become our great blessings and happiness. His last child was just 8 months old when he passed away. That's the cute baby in the picture. His name is Khendrew. He has his brother before him and their eldest sister. Neil Jhon and Marnel. His mom's name and my brother's wife is Jennifer Villasan. Someone has told my father, "If someone goes, one comes." Very interesting. We strongly believe though that aside from his children, there are still a lot to come.

#2